Archive for May, 2009

Munchkin –

In two days, you will be five months old. I can hardly type that out without shaking my head, wondering how I possibly could have blinked and missed so much time. I barely remember the first six weeks, which is a shame – it’s what I refer to as P.C. Pre-Colic, or Pre-Chaos.

Yesterday, I plopped you into your baby seat, hooked up the toy bar, and went to the bedroom to switch out the laundry. Within five minutes, I heard you whining, and of course I came running. You had knocked OFF the toy bar, rolled to your left side to where you were nearly fully on your stomach, and your legs were hanging off the seat completely, just waving in the air. I had to run to grab you before you fell. Two seconds later, and you would have crash-landed. God, do I wish I could have taken a picture in time with your little butt in the air.

Mommy has learned she has to strap you down into the chair if I must leave the room.

You are not fully rolling yet, but you are getting to both sides like a champ, and all you have to do now is figure out how to kick your leg over for momentum, and you’ll be there. We are working on sitting up, and you love to pull up on our hands to do “sit-ups”. I took the bumpers off your crib this week, then followed it last night by taking the quilt off the back of your crib, now that you’ve figured out that you MUST GRAB IT EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT IT. Now, with just you, the reflux wedge, your puppy and baby doll, and the monitor, it looks like a cage and no longer the little haven I had created for you. I’m sure I will get used to it in time, and it surely doesn’t bother you a bit. You have fun spitting out your pacifier and letting it fall behind the dang crib so Mommy has to pull it out from the wall, swearing and annoyed, to retrieve it before you start screaming.

I still have to check on you every half an hour or more to ensure you are breathing. We have an AngelCare monitor installed into your crib, but I have not even tested the breathing functions on it yet, scared for false alarms in the middle of the night. I should probably get on that before you turn 12.

You are doing a wonderful job in physical therapy, and are hitting milestones, even early ones, left and right. You are still on track to roll and sit up on time, hopefully, but even if you don’t, I have a funny feeling you will speak early. You are extremely vocal, and love to carry on “conversations” with me twenty times a day. You coo, I coo back, change my vowel sounds, you mimic, etc. You are so smart, it amazes me. Your head tilt and such are improving a little bit, especially in the last week or so, but not as quickly as we would like, so we are working extra hard. I’m trying very hard to nip this in the bud so that it doesn’t impede your physical milestones and result in you crawling and walking late. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s why you have not rolled yet. But I am SO PROUD of you, precious girl. You have just stunned your therapist, Missy, and I with your progress. Daddy especially thinks you are incredible!

Speaking of Daddy, he is working so hard for us, and it sometimes means he doesn’t get to see you at all until his day off on the weekend. So now, he has changed his second job’s schedule, and on his four-day break from the fire dept, he works 6 am to 6 pm at the second job. This puts him home for dinner, playtime, bathtime, and bedtime, as well as Colic Scream Time. Can’t help that last one, but he sure loves getting to see you more, and it’s building your bond together.

I want you to know right now how much Mommy and Daddy love each other, and how incredibly much we love you. Our little family is the most important thing to us, and raising you to be a well-adjusted, confident, happy little girl is our top priority.

Discovered your feet
Can grab toys with both hands
Can take said toys and get them to your mouth, albeit awkwardly
Can roll to both sides
Can hold head up beautifully, great tummy time this last month
When on tummy, can look around above you in all directions
Can track objects with eyes 100% in all directions
Supported sitting 100%
Occasionally respond to your name, about 1x in 10 (this should get better as you get older)
Laugh at stimulus
Coo, babble, can “hold conversations”, belly-laugh
Are learning to hold objects in hands, that are not suspended on toy bar (in the last few days, HUGE)…you used to take them and hit yourself in the head with them
Can hold smaller bottles by yourself, and will attempt larger ones
This week, you can grab the pacifier out of your mouth and sometimes get it back
Can identify bottles and pacifiers and open your mouth accordingly

You make me so proud, and as much as I still want to tear my hair out some days, today was an especially good one. I’m hoping this is the sign of things to come. My happy, sweet little girl was with me today, and oh! How I loved it.

And how I love you.


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Chad and I are starting a new time in our lives, starting today. I am getting ready to turn 25, and I am realizing that some big things need to change with myself, one of the first being my weight. I need to lose 40-50 lbs. Now before I get bashed on that, none of you in Indy have seen full shots of me in a very long time, and it will stay that way until I get to my goal. I packed on a good bit of weight during pregnancy (just over what was considered healthy, so it certainly wasn’t extreme), and I’ve lost 20 lbs since she was born, but I was still overweight before I got pregnant. When I look at the pictures taken of me and the baby now, compared to pictures of me in high school or college, the change is UNREAL and I’m ashamed that I’ve let myself get to this point. Maybe when the weight is gone, I will post some recent pictures and let you see the difference for yourselves.

I am working with Jillian Michael’s (The Biggest Loser) 30 Day Shred, and Chad will be working out with me. Either with the Shred, or otherwise. We are both going to completely overhaul the way we eat. He certainly is nothing close to overweight, being 150 lbs soaking wet, but is on the verge of dangerous cholesterol. We’ll know for sure his new numbers next month.

I have never had my cholesterol checked, but the women in my family have a very high propensity towards obesity, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, and strokes. Now with all that fighting against me, why wouldn’t I do everything I can to get and keep myself healthy?

We are going to be cutting out soda completely (yes Rhiannon, I already know it’s unhealthy, heh), which will be a huge change for us. When I was pregnant, it was water and milk all the time. But before and after, I’d say it’s 80% soda, 20% milk or juice. Yuck. But the only times I have seen Chad drink anything but soda are when he’s dehydrated from work or ill – a total of maybe three times in five+ years. We are going to likely start cutting down carbohydrates in our diet, but I want to do some research on this. I will never go on full-blown Atkins, considering some say it leads to high cholesterol and heart attacks, but I will do some research. Starting from here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17093250

I want to leave a healthier legacy for my daughter, and I want her diet to be even more varied than mine may be. I was raised (until Lindsay’s type 1 diabetes diagnosis in 2001) with various sugary and fatty foods in our household diet, and I knew my own diet would skyrocket when I left home. I had visions of Oreos for dinner in college, for Pete’s sake. Time to make some changes, and I want to fit back into my size 7 jeans and feel comfortable in my swimsuits again, not to mention make myself feel so much better.

So there’s the latest stuff! Caia will be five months old on Saturday, and I will update with a letter then, too.

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My little girl is 4.5 months old, 20 weeks today…(I think. The weeks are starting to blend into each other.) and I am feeling serious guilt.

She is my entire world. We spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together, and thus are very attached to each other. But she is so fussy and so incredibly difficult of a child that it’s still hard for me to bond with her to the capacity that I feel I “should”. Between GERD, the torticollis, and “colic”, she is extremely temperamental sometimes. I feel like I am missing something vital here, and I am so lonely. New motherhood is isolating enough, but when you combine that with a difficult child, I can’t even see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

Now don’t take this to mean that I haven’t bonded with her *at all*, because I have, certainly. All she has to do is smile, with her tongue sticking out and her little nose wrinkled, and I can’t help but laugh. She giggles, and my heart melts into a sticky puddle on the floor. But it should be so much *easier* than it is, according to our family and select friends that have actually gotten to spend much time around her. My mother in law in particular is bewildered. All three of her kids were pretty much perfect, according to her, and even she says that Caia is putting in her order to be an only child. Even my husband is starting to talk about stopping here, and that is devastating to me. I don’t want her to be an only child, at all. I want two or three kids. I’ve always wanted a big family, partly to compensate for my lack of one, and even more kids would be great. But after having her, how do we get past this and even think of adding another?

Playing with her naptime pals…

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I know I’ve been terrible at posting lately, but HI! I PROMISE I’M STILL ALIVE! Just dealing with Baby’s First Virus. She has been going through diapers like crazy over the last several days, terrible diaper rash that won’t go away of course, not eating as much, more fussy than usual, plus a fever. I took her in to Urgent Care last night since her peds office couldn’t get her in, and she saw my doctor – he’s incredibly annoying and tends to not really listen to his patients. Her white cell count is elevated so I am taking her back to her ped on Friday to have it rechecked.

We have been soaked in rain for the last five days, and the weather report gives no hope for the next week of sunshine, plus we are under a tornado warning tonight until 4 am. GUESS WHO’S NOT SLEEPING?

I have so many reasons why I despise May, and this is just one of them.

Gotta wrap this up, baby is stirring…

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