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Archive for June, 2009

unbreak my heart

The last week or two have been very difficult. By difficult, I mean, even more difficult than usual. Like the “want-to-jump-off-a-bridge” kind.

But tonight…oh, my heart.

The last couple of days have been so sad. I know she’s in pain and it makes me hurt for her. When I pick her up and put her head up to my shoulder, chest to chest, she wraps her arms around my neck and shoulders now and grabs my shirt and/or hair in both fists, holding on tight. She has been falling asleep like that on my shoulder; she hasn’t slept like that since she was a newborn.

I was rocking her to sleep tonight, in that position, and she grabbed on tight as usual, then stuck her fingers in her mouth to chew as hard as she can. She fell asleep whimpering, face nestled into my neck. I closed my eyes and wanted to cry for her, feeling my heart break.

I am so, so glad that all the little things she has gone through in her five and a half months are nothing serious; this momma instinct is becoming Momma Bear. But I would gladly take it all on for her, gladly fight all her battles for her, if I never had to hear her whimper like that again.

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Poor Kid…

PaciBaby has had a fever for the last few days, and has not been sleeping well at night. Two days ago, she took a 2.5 hour nap during the day, and then followed it with a 45 minute nap an hour later. This coming from the kid who only takes 30 minute naps, period. Since her gums are swollen and she’s chewing more than usual, I attributed all of this to teething. Today, I gave her her usual dose of baby Tylenol, then decided to call her ped to ask what the normal temperature is for a teething baby. The nurse said anything over 100.4 rectally is not normal for teething, 99.4 orally.

I found the oral pacifier thermometer and checked her temp. 100.1. Called them back, they said to bring her in. Turns out, the poor kid has her first ear infection in her left ear! Now I feel lousy because I could have figured this out a lot sooner if I had just kept actual tabs on her temperature. She could have been miserable for days now.

The one bright spot here is her weight is up to 13 lbs, 6 oz, up 7 oz in 8 days. That’s the biggest jump since she was about 2 months old! Also, she gets the yummy bubblegum amoxicillin. She certainly didn’t complain at earlier’s medicine dosage.

I’m thrilled she is gaining weight so well still. She’s catching up to her peers very quickly. She might actually outgrow 3-6 month clothes by her 6 month birthday, at least lengthwise. Her legs are loooong, man. She’ll definitely be taller than Chad and I (5’9 and 5’4 respectively).

After the doctor’s appointment, we stopped into X Store, where I turned in my long-put off resignation. I’ve been on a leave of absence since she was eleven weeks, after only returning for a week. I left again after the whole head size debacle went down with her last pediatrician. I’m sad that I won’t be returning to the place I’ve been for so long. It feels like the end of an era.

Hubby’s home, gotta go…

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Wordless Wednesday

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