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Archive for January, 2010

There are things in this life that are vital and unnecessary, a strange duality, a dance of love and living. When you tell me that you love me, it is vital that I hear it to rejuvenate my soul, yet unnecessary because every part of me feels it. I know you love me, I feel it in your voice, I hear it in your words.

I know you love me because I strive to give you the love that I feel back, to no avail. I know that you love me because I have strength when I’m weak, calm when I’m upset, and warmth when I’m cold. When life is going at a hectically rapid pace to oblivion, I feel your arms around me, pulling me back bringing me to a place where I just want time to stand still. It’s vital for me to press forward to be the best man I can be. It is unnecessary to say that I am humbled to be in your presence. It’s unnecessary to say that I love you, it’s
vital to have you feel it.

I find myself intimidated by life and what it brings, yet knowing you are the light that guides my way makes me brave and valiant. It’s vital to have your touch, to feel your soft lips upon mine, and it’s unnecessary to speak in those moments, for all is felt stronger than gravity on the ocean’s tides. It is unnecessary for you to love me, yet it is vital to my existence, for without it I’d be lost. It’s vital that I express my love for you as often I can, yet unnecessary for you to do the same.

I have never known love in the scope that I know it now. I can feel your love guiding me every step of the way through this uncertain life. That is vital, I love you.

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Via weheartit.

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I’ve been inspired by blogger doobleh-vay, and I’d like to adopt one of her ideas. Love Letter Friday. Each Friday, I’d like to post a love letter. They could be ones given to me more recently, in the past, ones I’ve written, or ones I’ve found, but in some way, they’ve touched me and I’d like you to be inspired too.

I’d like the first letter I post to be from my “someone”. With his permission, I’m sharing it with you.

“The beginning of most relationships is a nod, a wink, a smile. The beginning of our relationship was a life changing event. I knew from the first moment that I saw you that you were perfect for me. I have never loved anyone like I love you, it’s a phenomenon that is nothing short of divine.

I knew that you and I were connected at the soul from the very first moment I saw you and when you came to me and said hello, you had my heart and I knew then that I could never give it to anyone else. All the years of bad days and sleepless nights later, I know that you are the only one that can ever make me truly happy. Life has taken some twist and turns for us both, but no matter what has happened in our lives the truth is that we came back to each other and reclaimed what is ours, our soulmate.

I don’t want you in my life, I need you. Now that I know what I do,  life as I knew it has ended. The life that I was intended to have has been put back on track. You and I fit together like fine watch pieces. I have taken an approach with you that I never have before, truth. I now know who I am, I know that I’m very gentle and soft at heart. I love that I am 100% myself, and comfortable to be when I’m with you. I have dreamed of that all of my life.

It took you to open the doors and free me from me. Thank you so much for being you, and letting me love you and for loving me in return.”

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Strength in Numbers

I don’t care what it takes, I WILL get myself and my daughter home to Indiana in 11 days. You all have given me such strength on Twitter, Facebook, phone calls, messages. I know I can do this; I can fight back. I don’t have to be a victim and just “take it” anymore. I’ve started the process to get an attorney, I am getting the proof I need to build one hell of  a court case, and I will get my daughter and I home where we belong. Thank you for being so strong for me when I was trying to pull it together myself.

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The First Part of Our Story

Loving someone is being strong when they aren’t.

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I wish I wasn’t so broken; that there weren’t pieces of me that I constantly have to glue back together to get through each day, each hour, each moment. He deserves someone whole.

~~~~~~~~~

There is someone. My “someone”. He knew me when I was an 11 year old awkward little girl, with fluffy bangs and scrunched down socks. I walked up to him one day in school, and said, “Hi! A, right?” without an ounce of fear or apprehension in my voice. We held each others’ hands and touched each others’ hearts, each going through a tumultuous home life of which we did not really share with each other until over a decade later. We had no idea that we brought such strength to the other, that when we truly thought there was no joy in sight, we would continue to find it the next day in a simple smile and “hello”.

Nights brought fights and tears. Mornings brought school and each other. It was simply a matter of getting through to the next day.

My someone spent that Christmas, 1995, with me and my family. I recall it stronger than most other Christmases because of not only his presence, but of the presence of my biological father. A first, and a last, holiday spent with me. (We have no relationship to this day.)  It was a sweet, curious day. A brought me a Coca-Cola Christmas bear with “1995” emblazoned on its foot, knowing full well my affinity for teddy bears, and a coloring book and crayons for my three year old sister.

The year passed in a frightening school, full of memories of watching my best friend get her head slammed against the cement floor after lunch one day, after daring to accidentally push a much bigger girl in line. That was the last year I spent in that school district.

The fall came and brought with it my new school on the opposite side of town. A and I drifted apart. Our last conversation came when we were approaching the teen years, over the phone. We didn’t see each other or speak again until this fall.

~~~~~~~~~

We’ve found each other again. We’ve held each other’s hands, and hearts, again. We’re starting over from scratch, and yet I still wonder what he sees in this broken woman. He swears that “I saved him” when we were kids, and after hearing his story of what really was happening in his life, I know Who’s responsible for that, and it’s not me. But I swear, I think the same thing of him.

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